Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero 34

Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero 34

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Wordcount: 2500

Commissioned by Shaderic

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“Tanis. Henri. I asked for a means to deliver explosives at the enemy, and abandon after it’s fired. Something made out of materials we have on hand, so that they can be replaced… so what the hell is this?”

Now, given my limited understanding of medieval siege weaponry i.e. practically nothing besides crude descriptions from offhand memes on the internet, I’d expected over-engineered pieces of crap. Something that I’d strip down to the basics, so that I could have something that threw my explosives at something far away. I’d have enjoyed the breaking apart portion, then made all the intellectuals eating my territory’s food watch as “just good enough” versions of their brainchildren reigned death upon the enemy.

I didn’t get that.

Instead I was looking at a guided, self-propelled bomb that could make an American blush.

In a way, the eggheads decided to be lazy. They didn’t make a trebuchet, or a catapult. In fact, their attempt at a ballista ended at two bows, a hollowed-out branch, a winch, and a cranking mechanism. There were small models of the first two in the converted warehouse, but they were small, crude, and utterly worthless, while the ballista itself was gathering dust, even though I would’ve been happy to have it.

But I wasn’t looking at that.

I was looking at what they’ve made of all the research, information, and concepts that they’ve gathered from Tanis’s letters, their interrogations, and probably Roseanne’s spies in Ylstu.

The construct was a miniaturized, streamlined version of my transport. At a twentieth of the transport’s size, it couldn’t carry a person, even though its wings were much longer than its body. However, that didn’t matter, because it wasn’t meant to return. No. All the container space inside it was dedicated solely for carrying a satchel, or two, then come alight as soon as it neared its target, so that the payload would detonate aboveground. 

It’s launch system was the mechanism they used to make the ballista, a long length of wood that had a carrier for the package, as well as a series of pulleys and winches, which would be pulled back via levers, in order launch the it into the air. Then, once aloft, it could speed towards a target spotted by Henri or one of her trainees, because a little, novice spell called Poltergeist could take control of small, inanimate objects and force them to move about. A spell, of course, they can speedily recover from due to the fact Ylstu’s explosives also doubled as a way to replenish magic. 

In short, they’d taken everything I’d given them, and ignoring the fact that I didn’t want to rely too much on mages and magic, made a weapon that gives trainee magic-users the same amount of firepower as a mage who has trained for years to be able to cast a fireball. 

“You don’t seem pleased, Hachiman.”

“You’re damn right I’m not. Look at it. It needs to be used by one of these eggheads, Henri, or one of her students! And, it fires something that we’ll need to make a whole, new industry to mass produce… instead of picking up a few rocks, or making a few, bigger arrows!” I saw the potential of what I was looking at. How couldn’t I when I’d already seen it in my old world. However, while what I’d asked for could be used and employed in warfare en-masse by the normal population of the world, what I was looking at now needed a warehouse full of researchers, tinkerers, and dedicated scholars to make. Regardless of its advantages, it wasn’t what Ylstu needed, let alone cost-effective. “Send its schematics to Roseanne. Have her build it, make it, and use it. It’s worthless to me.”

One of the eggheads, some cow-girl with glasses and a weird hat tried to speak up, but I told her to fuck off and shut up, before pointing at the ballista and then the ramp they’d made.

“Put the two of those together. Make me a weapon that lobs canisters of Mana AND rocks.” Fuck this medieval magical setting. Walls reinforced with magic, and artillery spells have fucked over their knowledge of siege weapons. Why would the Kindred waste time with making gadgets trebuchets or catapults, when they need stronger, better magic to take down magic? Hell, even the Empire only had ballistae, and they were for dealing with Dragons or Ogres, instead of castles. “If you think I’m wrong, you can go to Roseanne along with what you’ve made, and enjoy a promotion out of Ylstu.”

The mass of white robes, monocles, and horns grumbled, but just how it always was with nerds, the moment you challenge them in something they know they can do well, they were determined to prove me wrong instead of falling apart. 

However, that still meant their upper management needed talking to.

“Tanis, I don’t want this to happen again.” I gestured at the waste of time, before looking at Roseanne’s appointed liaison. Surprisingly, she met my words with a glare, instead of just nodding in agreement. “Hah? So, you think I’m wrong, huh? Would you like me to tell you you’re wrong before or after you fuck up?”

“This weapon is exactly what you desired and more.” Oh, I see. This ought to be good. C’mon then, Tanis, come as close as you’d like. Just so you know, I’m aware that our arguments are the same. So, let’s compare the strength of our logical assessments! “It is a precision weapon, with the ability to devastate forces both within and without fortresses, and something that Ylstu can bring to the battlefield with its current forces. These can even be let loose from your transports, with only a few mages added to your existing army!”

Mhmm, I see that your heart is in the right place. Creating a flying carrier of theses things, so that gliding bombs can reign down upon the Empire, would be incredible. Tanis, I commend your logic. If I ever want to make giant airships, hire armies of vampires, and conquer a city through the use of shock-and-awe tactics, I’ll consider your point. Pneumatically-launched, guided bombs are the way to go, before you flood an enemy city with shock troops.

But that doesn’t matter.

I’m not a pudgy, bespectacled Nazi with delusions of grandeur, nor the desire to fight a vampire by sacrificing a Nekomimi Shota.

I’m a man who needs to defend territory.

“So, how do you propose to make a hundred of these little drones before the next attack, when we’re already struggling to expand? How will a few dozen of these bombs, even if they can fill a fortress in flame or take out an enemy hero, deal with throngs of heavy footmen?” Tanis merely met my gaze, instead of looking away at my questions. Huh. So, this isn’t an ego-trip. You actually think this thing you’ve had made, from all that I’ve shared with you and all you’ve gathered on your own, is better than what I want? Well, then you better have some good answers, because I’m not going to agree with you for just being brave. “Look at how few mages there are in Ylstu. When the invasion arrives, I’ll need to them scout, to search, and to find me places to hit, during the day and the night. Ever one of them operating one of these, maybe even dying to Empire Mages, is a set of that I lose.”

“That is only if they are used in your original plans, Hachimans. Think. Extrapolate. Use the mind that Lady Roseanne envies and fears!” Tanis gestured at the catapult and drone with a one hand, while the other pressed against her chest. Emotion filled her words, but the passion in her speech wasn’t out of anger. It was desperation. The need to do something, to contribute, filled her. “This is a means to strike at the enemy from any direction, which can fly as long as one mage pilots it, and can plunge from the heavens under the cover of darkness. That is an advantage I know you can use, even in the most limited of numbers!”

Without a doubt, she’s afraid of what’s coming, and wants to help in some way to protect herself. 

And, she’s somewhat right. 

I’ve ignored magic due to its scarcity, and maybe because it was how I was stolen away and enslaved for years against my will. In a way, it’s something that I hated, even if I used it to keep myself alive and even for convivence in a multitude of occasions. Having an army that didn’t rely on magic, which went off of racial traits, training, and technology, was what I wanted most of all. Supplementing it with magic, via gaining information or creating assets was one thing, but if I had the choice between employing mages as actual combat assets or not, I’d happily choose to ignore their existence completely.

But I didn’t have that luxury. 

Still, there’s another fact that remains: I can’t invest Ylstu’s resources into everything at once.

“Hmph. Fine. Keep the project here, instead of sending it all of it to Roseanne, but since the two of you worked to make it, the two of you are in charge of making it work. On top of the responsibilities you already have.” Yeah, Henri. Did you think I’d forgotten about you, while I’d directed my attention towards Tanis? You’re not that lucky. She has good, technically mind between those ears of hers, but she wouldn’t have put together a weapon like this without being someone analyzing my tactics and strategies. And, the only one besides Sayuri capable of that, is you. “Talk to Kurama or Roseanne for money. Convince them for it. The only thing I’m giving you is this warehouse right here. Everything else? You’re getting and paying for yourself.”

In modern times, I’m sure it’s illegal to make your employees take on a project where they won’t be recompensed, as well as have to use their own contacts and methods to finish. Heck, I’m sure that I should make illegal, so no idiot gets it in their mind to unionize and make my life more difficult. However, if Tanis and Henri both agree that this project is an ace-in-the-hole that I can’t afford to ignore, despite all the costs involved in the project? 

Well, I’m not going to hold them back from working towards proving themselves right, especially when I benefit from the outcome. 

If they prove themselves, I get a weapons system that I didn’t expect, along with the artillery I originally desired.

If they’re wrong and fuck up, I get the artillery that I want, and Roseanne gets a weapon that she can’t ignore, but can totally afford.

In either case, I win.

The best binary sets of results possible, really.

“Prove me wrong. Make this an asset for me… or enjoy explaining it to Roseanne for as long as I deem necessary, or until I see every single one of her armies equipped with it.” So, I gave the two my ultimatum. Both had wide eyes and shook in from the anxiety of the project I’d laid on their shoulders, but I left them behind to focus on the worthless morons desperately trying to prove me wrong on the other side of the room. Wait. No. There’s more weight that needs to be piled on the two of them, before I deal with eggheads. “Oh, and the two of you will be commanding whatever you make in defending Ylstu. Not me.”

Whatever the two come up with, as long as it’s workable, I’ll spend whatever I can spare on it after Ylstu’s new buildings, infrastructure, and workers start making money.

Giving them command over what they make, should also give them the incentive to work hard. 

And, since I’m in charge of the two, I’ll still be in charge of the things anyway.

So, doing so costs effectively nothing.

…

I looked at my desk and found it empty, bereft of reports, and with an inkwell that didn’t need to be used. One part of my rejoiced at the sight, while the other 90% of me glared at A’Bel, who was filling up my empty desk with tea, freshly-cut fruit, and a light, vegetable soup with a side of chicken. Not the fried garbage I was fattening the Kindred up with, even if that fat went straight to their T and A, but healthy, baked chicken covered in spices that I was sure weren’t readily available in Ylstu, or my neighbors. 

I picked at the forcefully healthy meal, while glaring at the Demon who’d summarized reports for me, signed papers in my name, and worked in my office, while I’d travelled through the town and solved problems.

Only an idiot would get rid of her, especially if that aforementioned idiot’s working the same job as me, even if all she could do was contact me whenever, fly, and cook.

Which can’t be further from the truth.

“So, you’re strong.” Not only can I see through her eyes, send thoughts her way, and even command A’Bel by forcibly using her entire name, she’s also an unparalleled force of destruction. A living, breathing deterrent who, unlike Ashe, knew more than simply attacking the enemy until there’s no enemy left. My Hellhound is undoubtably doing her best, and is being properly rewarded for what she’s doing, but the titan of a creature serving me lunch in fantasy latex and breezy drapes? She might be some mouth breather’s erotic, motherly fantasy, but I saw the destruction she wrought, when I’d instructed her to showcase me her abilities in combat. “Do you think you have a chance of succeeding in decapitating the Empire, if I get you into their capital?”

“No.”

The answer that came was swift, decisive, and bereft of any desire to “take care of me.” In fact, she was feeling ashamed that she couldn’t, despite the fear and trepidation she felt, as she mulled the idea over. Of course, I could take that idea from her head, look upon it myself, and make my own conclusions… but for the same reason I won’t use her entire name, I’ll let her tell me about why she couldn’t take on the Empire’s ruling class, and allow me to introduce them to the guillotine. 

Or, you know, just the sword.

I’m not picky.

“Unfortunately, my dear contractor, the innermost cities of the Empire have been the target of me and my kin since ancient times. The Empire has grown strong from our attacks, creating magics which disrupt our forms, and even ways to bind us to their service.” A’Bel sighed and placed a hand against her cheek, as though she was talking about wind blowing laundry off the line, instead of several demonic invasions. And, of course, the more terrible news that the Empire has Demons, anti-Demonic magic, and forces specialized against them. That was more than a little aggravating. “However, given my people’s constant attacks upon them, we have grown strong. Strong enough that the Empire cannot send forth those specialized against us to faraway lands.”

I didn’t need my ability to read between the lines, in order to discern what she A’Bel was getting at

“So, I need to use you carefully, unless I want those freaks to come over to Ylstu to fuck me over.” A’Bel nodded, took a seat on my table, and proceeded to try and feed me. I evaded her, ignored her pout, and decided I didn’t want to play by those stupid rules. “Fuck that. If those people come, I have other ways to kill them. Let them all come, until you or the rest of your kind can flood the Empire.”

A’Bel smiled at my words, pout fading away, as she whispered words only I could hear. 

“Such bold, wrathful words.” A giggle left her lips, as she idly swung her legs and hummed a gentle tune. Her eyes glittered with power, while her rows of fangs glinted beneath the glow of her eyes. It would be intimidating, if not the dominating view of her backside on my desk. Can’t I get a single intimidating subordinate?  “But, my dear contractor, please don’t forget: I am the Demon and you are my master. Such wrath and rage… is best left to me and mine.”

Under normal circumstances, I’d disagree.

But knowing what she could do?

Well, I knew better than to try to control a living, natural disaster, especially one that’s incredibly eager to murder, instead of consume. 

“Of course, my dear contractor. The only man for me is you, after all. Everything else, everyone else, is merely chaff to be cut down.”

Hmph. 

Those words would make me happier, if you weren’t you.

But I’ll take what I can get.