Prompt 50 [34 is next]
Added 2025-02-02 12:00:56 +0000 UTCKylie owned a sex shop and life was honestly pretty stale. Things took a turn, however, when Kylie accidentally received a lethal shipment of sex toys right out of a B-reel action grindhouse flick. I mean who on earth would ever need a pocket pussy that can
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Kylie opened the package and saw what looked like a standard model flesh light [Emma Magnolia if she had to guess]. She turned it on and waited.
"I don't want to ruin it for you" her friend texted. "As far as I can tell it's broken or something and I never want it fixed"
After a few uneventful minutes, Kylie responded unimpressed by the flaccid inaction.
what am i waitng 4?
"it like... tells jokes but poorly"
...?? huh?
"I can't explain it just... try to fuck it"
with my...?
"fingers work fine - sry should have said"
omg fyyyyne
But just before Kylie's finger made contact with the sex toys rubbery lips, a voice from somewhere inside spoke
"2 guys walk into a bar - the third one quacks!"
Kylie doubled over in laughter
thnk you. this is the best thing ever
The several hours were a welcome distraction from her day., She wrote down her favorites
"Why did the chicken cross the road? To order his other side of fries"
"What do you call a pony with a cough? A small horse"
"The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they are always stealing and that is illegal"
"There are 2 muffins in an oven being cooked alive. They will be delicious muffins"
"There's a family of tomatoes. They are taking a walk and the baby tomato has fallen behind. The parents wait for it because they are compassionate"
"I am reading a book on anti-gravity. It is impossible to put down [because the book has somehow taken on the principles of the subject and gravity now effects it in the opposite way of all other things]
"A grasshopper goes into a bar. The bartender says, 'hey, you know we have a drink after you!' The grasshopper says, 'Haha, yes. My name is Whiskey."
Kylie thought about how absurd it all was. Life, the problems of the world, a fake vagina that poorly told jokes in some sort of warped malaprop way. She liked the vagina, at least.
She saw the clock. She maybe could get one hour of sleep in before she needed to be up to open shop.
hey thx for this - it was fun. I can't sleep worht shit thse days so this rly was a welcome distraction. i appreciate how fucking bonkers this is lol fuck iwas never one to be like 'I need a distraction' but lately I dunno wht the fuck I'm tyring to
[delete]
hey thx for this :)
[saved to drafts]
[she'd send it when she woke up]
Comments
Beautiful! The high chinned nonchalance she shimmied in like silk 💕! Gorgeous! And the acutely observed Valentine's couple going around while that argument unfolds - brilliant!
Katakora
2025-02-03 06:04:06 +0000 UTCKylie clocked them immediately. The Valentine’s Day couple. Complementary shades of excitement and intimidation bound up in clutched hands and avoidant eye contact. They’d performed the classical dance of sex shop newbie: teetering on the threshold, “reading” the takeout menu in the window of the greasy spoon next door, exchanging verbal back slaps of finish-line hype-up, encouragement. Of course, they came in eventually, snow boots kicking off salty city sludge and lovers’ nerves. Kylie blossomed, affecting her warmest, safest smile, the one reserved for those just opening their eyes [and elsewhere] to the thrills of such a pleasure emporium. [Incidentally, she flashed a similar smile to her regulars, save those who preferred that special, cool, high-chinned nonchalance she shimmied into like silk]. The couple returned her grin with quick, not unpleasant nods, and resumed their wander in aisle three. Kylie watched the woman glance up at the meticulously polished glass display case of dildos—and the man’s cartoonish Adam’s apple gulp at seeing his girlfriend’s tractor beam gaze settle on the aptly named “Mr. Big.” “Oh yeah, sure. Totally. Like that will go well. So, which of them do you suppose that’s for?” The fiendish, crackling, ominous voice came from the shelf suspended under the register in a tone somehow full of oozing saliva and bone dry all at once. Kylie balked, knocking over the little statue of Priapus that guarded her cup of pens. “Jesus! Fuck me, I will never get used to you. Cruel thing. Leave them alone. Leave me alone!” “You know I can’t do that. It’s not in my nature.” “You’re silicone, you wouldn’t know anything about nature!” “I’m made of thermoplastics, actually. You should know that, seeing as you wanted to sell me. And come on, Kylie, now who’s being cruel? You’re completely wrong about me. I’ve known my fair share of nature—purpose built to simulate and facilitate it, actually.” “I really can’t listen to you. I need to focus on my customers, ok?” “You never focus on me. You treat me like a shadow. I’m always nearby but never thought of. It hurtssssss.” “Oh, believe me, I think about you. Feels like every second. Ever since I opened that shipment straight out of a fucking B-reel action grindhouse flick.” “You wound me. Whatever, I don’t know what any of that means. But the newbies are approaching your counter and you probably shouldn’t be talking to nothing, since that’s clearly what I am to you.” Kylie looked up quickly, tearing herself away from the Under-Desk "Thermoplastic" Malevolence and turning her attention to the pair in front of her: “Did you find everything you wanted today?” ~ it was a low, dull, quick sound—much such a sound as a vibrator* makes when enveloped in cotton. and between each mechanical suck, a murmur cutting the air with needy whines and private truths: “oh very good choice, you know Kylie loves that toy too, it gets her there, right where she…” ~ Kylie paled as the noise beneath her steadily increased in volume and fervor. “Yeah, we think so, thanks,” the girlfriend said, the strength of positive decision-making and a tinge of sexy anticipation bringing confidence to her voice as she emptied her surprisingly overflowing basket onto the counter. To Kylie’s shock, the couple seemed totally unaware of the unrelenting, rhythmic sucking sound and its accompanying words. Kylie tried to ignore it, ringing the pair up at lightspeed while doing her very best to not make them feel rushed. ~ please-please-please-please-suck-suck-suck-suck ~ “Thanks for coming in! Have a nice day!” At the sound of the door closing, Kylie rounded on the voice, picking up the cursed toy in a choking, clawed grip: “Why did you do that?! Are you trying to ruin my business?!” “What?! Aren’t these the kinds of noises they expect to hear here? Wouldn’t your customers like your personal review of their purchases?” “No! Ugh. It’s unprofessional. And you’re a toy! You’re not supposed to be, like, sentient!” “Sign of the times, baby. Now put me back on the shelf. I was reading.” “What?” Kylie looked under the desk again. And there, where the demented pocket pussy had been stashed since its arrival, was a copy of The Tell-Tale Heart. Fucking great. *Poe writes: “It was a low, dull, quick sound—much such a sound as a watch makes when enveloped in cotton.” But a vibrator’s pulse is so much more fun.
caroscope
2025-02-03 05:20:05 +0000 UTCNot cool Kylie, not cool
siesta_maven
2025-02-03 03:31:29 +0000 UTCIt’s a long one: Kylie owned a sex shop and life was honestly pretty stale. Things took a turn, however, when Kylie accidentally received a lethal shipment of sex toys right out of a B-reel action grindhouse flick. I mean who on earth would ever need a pocket pussy that can make a man’s dick grow. Her breath caught.. A POCKET PUSSY THAT CAN MAKE A MAN’S DICK GROW?! This can make her filthy rich. Her heart pounding, she slammed the box shut, pressing her palms against the top as if to keep it from jumping out. Kylie pictured all the ways her life could change: she could buy that bigger building across town and expand her shop, finally own that dream house, travel wherever she wanted, pay off every last debt. No more struggling. For the first time in forever, she could have the life she always wanted. Her mind raced through all the possibilities..until it landed on him. Mike. The perfect man. Thoughtful, kind, intelligent, and sweet in a way that made her heart ache. But there had always been one problem. A small one. Dick, a small dick. That was why he had been stuck in the friend zone. But now? Now she could have it all: wealth, success, and the perfect man. Without hesitation, she grabbed one of the pocket pussies and rushed to Mike’s house. When he opened the door, she beamed, holding up the pocket pussy like a golden ticket. She filled him in, explaining how this was going to change her life. And, because Mike was who he was, he was genuinely excited for her. That’s when she took a breath, softened, and told him everything.. how much he meant to her, how she wanted to share this success with him. Then, finally, she admitted it. The only thing holding her back had been his “mini me”. But now, with this? They could finally be together. Mike took a step back, as if her words had struck him like a physical blow. His face shifted from confusion to disbelief, then to something worse: Hurt. “That’s why you’ve been hesitating?” His voice was barely above a whisper. Kylie opened her mouth, but he was already shaking his head. “Get out.” A couple years pass and Kylie got everything she ever wanted. Her pocket pussy changed the industry, making her a millionaire. She built the empire, bought the house, was traveling the world. And yet, somehow, she was alone. Back in town for a visit, she met up with some old friends, sipping her drink in their favorite bar when the door swung open. Mike walked in. And he wasn’t alone. He was with a woman and they looked happy. Kylie waited until the woman went to the bathroom before making her way over. “You two look good together,” she said, with a small smile. “How long have you been dating?” Mike’s expression was flat. “About a year now.” Kylie chuckled, nudging him. “So… did you finally give in to one of my pocket pussies?” “Never needed one, Kylie.” She scoffed. “Right. Sure you didn’t. I mean, I saw the imprint when we went to the beach.” That was when Mike really laughed. A deep, genuine, head-thrown-back kind of laughter that made Kylie’s stomach twist. “What?” she asked, suddenly uneasy. “What’s so funny?” Mike shook his head, still grinning as he met her eyes. “Ah, Kylie… You were so mistaken.” She swallowed hard. “What do you mean?” Mike leaned in slightly, lowering his voice just enough for her to hear. “I’m not a shower. I’m a grower.” And just like that, he walked away.. back to the woman at his side, back to the life he had built without her.
Delicada19🫀
2025-02-03 01:29:26 +0000 UTC
