Prompt 43 [19 is next]

Alice looked around but things weren’t exactly as she remembered. She got the attention of what appeared to be an off-white squirrel fiddling with a sundial.

“Excuse me, is this Wonderland?”

“Wonderland?” the squirrel guffawed. “Nah, toots. This here’s Wackyworld. You shoulda jumped through a proper looking glass for Wonderland. All you need is an acrylic sheet to make it here”

“Oh,” said Alice full of disappointment. “Well, how do I get out

“...of Wackyworld?”

The squirrel laughed hard at this. “Get out! HA! Good one, ya crazy skirt! Ain’t nobody leaves Wackyworld. No one I ever knew, anyways.”

Alice looked distraught but the squirrel did not care.

“Yeah, so, I had an appointment yesterday around sunset so I gotta figure out-

But the squirrel suddenly fell in a very large hole.  The hole didn’t seem to be there before, but that’s kind of the thing about holes.  They can start as a simple smudge then grow to a divot then decide to peek out the other side like a pinprick and then you’ve suddenly got a whole hole on your hands.  Alice saw a sexy walrus passing by with a trail of oysters.

“Hello there, sexy Walrus” Alice peeped.

“Howdy there, Sugar,” the Walrus guffawed, sexily.

“Where are you taking all those oysters?”

“Oh, I’m gunna take ‘em down to the picnic table and crack ‘em open and gobble ‘em all up one at a time” the hot Walrus said in clear earshot of all the oysters.  Alice looked at the oysters, as if she was expecting them to run away or raise some sort of objection.

“Don’t worry about those idiots” chortled the highly fuckable large pinniped marine mammal.  “They only hear what they wanna hear”

“Sounds dangerous” said Alice, starting to feel less bad for the oysters

“Well, it sucks to suck!” hollered the desirable creature through a mouth of blubber and whiskers

Alice looked over at the oysters.  They were all muttering very inappropriate things to each other about humans.  Some were saying humans prefer to eat meat over plants.  Some were saying humans like to kill for fun.  Some were saying humans can sing and paint but chose to scream and burn instead.  Some were saying very insensitive things about lineage and how geographic location correlates to a person's worth.  Alice decided these oysters deserved what was coming to them.  The hot Walrus picked up on this.

“Oh, don’t be so hard on them, child” purred the fucking gorgeous beast.  “It’s all they know.  They were never given a chance.  I could help them, you know.  It wouldn’t be too hard but then I’d be so hungry and oysters are such a great aphrodisiac.”  The Walrus winked seductively. 

“What’s your name, Walrus?” asked Alice

“Call me Professor A.  No need for full introductions.  And I won’t be needing your name at all.  No need for such frivolity.  Now scootchie your booty, girl!”  

The Walrus led the narrow-minded oysters to the picnic table and began eating them alive.  The others were too engaged in conversation to notice.  One oyster did seem to catch wind of things but she was labeled a heretic by the other oysters and subsequently drawn and quartered in a very civilized impromptu court hearing.  

Alice knew she needed to get out of Wackyworld.  She felt a tug at the bottom of her dress.

“I’m a crazy doooormouse, innit?” said the crazy dormouse.

“Oh… what a lovely hat you have there, dormouse”

“Yeah, made it myself, innit?  I’m fuckin’ talented like that, innit?”

“Are you a hatter?”

“Fuck’s a hatter?  I am a milliner, if you mean someone that makes hats.”

“Oh, I thought it was a hatter”

“Well that’s fucking dense, innit?  You call a shoe-maker a shoer, then?”

“No”

“You got fooders too, I take it?”

“No, those are chefs”

The doormouse mocked Alice’s tone

“nO, tHoSe aRe cHeFs” 

“That wasn’t very kind”

“Yeah, but it’s how you sound, innit?”

“...”

“Innit?”

“I don’t think-” Alice began.  But the crazy dormouse interrupted

“You do me now”

“What?”

“You do an impression of me, now.  Innit?”

Alice took a beat to collect herself.  She observed the dormouse up and down and adjusted her posture to mirror that of the small creature. She then squeaked out a tiny little sound that - to anyone who was listening before - sounded exactly like the dormouse in tone, inflection and dialect.  It was spot on

The dormouse was holding back tears


“Well… that’s something then, innit??!  INNIT?!!?”  and the vermin ran off into the hills weeping uncontrollably. 

Alice - much to her surprise - was starting to like Wackyworld.  Things made sense here [not like back home]

---------

Prompt 19 is next