Yesterday (Part One - Chapters 3 & 4)

CHAPTER 3

Ten, fifteen years, maybe even more.

It was myself, but many years earlier, I figured I'd be sixteen. 

I hadn't met Eva or dropped out of high school yet. I still lived with my parents in that remote village in Extremadura.

The latter I learned when, wandering nervously through the lonely, twilight streets, I rummaged through my pockets.

I recalled the golden key chain and the shape of those keys. I reached the hallway of the building and I tested them with a trembling hand. "Good thing about little villages is no one walks them at this hour”, I told myself as I crossed terrified into the vestibule.

I took the elevator up to the third floor. I slipped the key into the lock and carefully felt it out. Double turn, there was nobody there.

I had a few more minutes to calm down and figure out what to do.

I had a perfect memory of my family’s home despite all the years that had passed: its long corridors, the carpet, the faux paintings... I went straight to my old room and searched through the desk.

Oh, God.

It couldn't be true.

It was almost Christmas. I was back in one of the most troubled periods of my life, adolescence. I remembered that moment perfectly. A few months later, without being aware of how it happened, I went from being a role model student to a drifting disaster. 

And it had to be around that time. Maybe because of what was happening to me, maybe I was myself....

Would that be possible?

It was as if my brain was resisting processing so much contradictory information at the same time, I had to get myself together before I would fuck everything up.  

Discovering that I myself could have been the cause of that very crisis was too much pressure for me. I recalled so well that I had been ill, and that I had had terrible fevers that had kept me in bed for a week, just after that strange night about which I could hardly remember anything, that was finally making sense… It came to my mind that I almost didn't survive, that I actually felt different and disconnected when I came out of that convalescence, because I had no one to talk to about that traumatic event that I intimately would always remember as a near-death experience. I recalled how I felt my soul disintegrate...

I needed to focus, calm down, think of something. I remembered the instructions.

It was inside me, I just had to concentrate and wish for it.

“Ask and you shall receive”.

––I want to see you –– I heard myself say.

I felt ridiculous instantly, but I fell asleep.

CHAPTER 4

Wake up.

I didn't want to open my eyes. I was huddled in my bed, in a foetal position, allowing myself to be embraced by the warmth of the blankets. It was nice there, it was safe. 

Everything was dark. I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep again.

* * *

A sigh broke the silence very close to me, and I felt a cold, out-of-nowhere presence start to climb up my back as it cut my breath.

Brittle hands surrounded my body, I felt them old, lengthy. The spiky fingers slowly intertwined in my chest. I stood still, I did not resist, paralyzed in sheer terror.

Dry lips approached my neck and slowly kissed me.

At that very moment all that presence "deflated" on my back and it became air that slipped out of my bed.

I froze, horrified, didn't dare to turn my head, didn't want to look.

The next morning my mother woke me up screaming from the hallway.

After a slight moment of disorientation I realized that I was still there, trapped in my past.

I figured it was Sunday or something because it was so quiet. I woke up, closed the door of my room and started to search everything thoroughly, I needed to know what year I was in.

1985.

I took a stunned look at my diary, and went through the drawer again, I needed to verify it. I found a crumpled movie ticket. It was true, I was back.

With that realization growing unbearable, my legs began to shake uncontrollably. I knelt in front of my bed and squeezed my mouth against the pillow and screamed until I had tears in my eyes.

My mother cried out my name again, I could hear her wandering around the house excited.

I got myself together as best I could, took the first clothes I found and went into the bathroom in the middle of the hallway, I needed a cold shower.

The water felt wonderful. I spent almost fifteen minutes in the shower and then I felt my brain working again. I got dressed in a hurry and glanced sideways in the mirror for a moment.

I briefly perceived that I looked much younger than I expected, but I didn't dare to face that disturbing image for more than half a second, I feared that doing so would fracture my reality even more.

I ran out of the house, yelling an excuse at my mother, who, fortunately, was busy doing something in the kitchen. I didn't want to run into anyone, I couldn't stand the thought of being seen there, or of seeing anyone. I was afraid of further altering that moment in time. I wanted to sneak up and fix it before it was too late.

The sky was still all cloudy. I buckled my jacket's collar and walked away to the outskirts, seeking solitude. The good thing about my teenage love of science fiction is that at least I remembered the typical remedies that my favorite writers would have resorted to.

I had to separate myself from any building, find myself in a totally uninhabited place that would not have changed over time.

––Adrian!

I turned around in shock, it was my grandfather.

––Adrian, son, why such a hurry?

Grandpa had passed away many years ago.

––Kitty's got your tongue? –– he joked with a smirk at me being so bewildered.

––Hey, Grandpa –– I hugged him and kissed him. Suddenly I noticed how much we would come to resemble each other in time.

––I have to run –– I lied; I had to get away from him, but I knew from his look that it wasn't going to be easy.

––Come here, –– he calmly ordered, putting his strong hand on my shoulder, –– I need to talk to you.

And holding on to my arm he eliminated my chances of escaping. He took me with him on the sidewalk and started talking.

––Adrian, the time has come for you and me to talk honestly, man to man.

I didn't understood or had any recollection of that scene, so I just nodded stupidly as terror gripped my knees and my brain spun frantically again. Being there, so close to him, made me dizzy.

––Your grandmother and I are very worried about you, we don't really know what has happened to you lately, but you are not the same as always, you used to be more responsible, you had goals...

–– Grandpa, my life is very complicated right now…

It occurred to me that the best thing to do was to act rebellious because it seemed that my personality shift had already begun.

––They all are, Adrian. If only I told you…

––But...

––Come here, I want to show you something.

We had reached a small, almost deserted square and sat on a bench. 

––See those two old men over there? –– He told me, pointing to a couple sitting across the street ––. I want you to answer me the following, when you're their age and you come here to sit down, what do you want to come to mind when you ask yourself what you've done with your life?

I froze and looked at him perplexed, almost understanding him for the first time in my life.

––Adrian, life for you now may seem long, complicated, and almost invariably difficult, but it doesn't have to stop being a great adventure. I want you to sit here when you reach my age and ask yourself that question, smile and be sure that you have done everything you can to be happy and true to yourself. Don't betray yourself, it's not worth it ––I tried to replicate but he wouldn't let me. ­­–– It can all end at any moment, remember that and make the most of it.

––Yes, Grandpa. –– An unbearable knot was forming in my throat. I remembered that, but not like this.

––Now go, and don't be late wherever you may be.

I kissed him and stood up feeling numb. 

As I walked away I felt his keen gaze on me. Could he have noticed? As I crossed the square, across the zebra crossing, I turned my head and greeted him with my hand, there was so much I wanted to tell him, so much to say. What if I came back and confided in him what was happening to me?

What if..?

Suddenly and painfully a mantle of darkness struck me in the face and dragged me away from that scene. I felt a current of electricity running through my brain and an enormous force pushing me out of there at full speed.

I don't remember anything else.