Insight Chapter 5 - Guards
Added 2020-05-26 01:34:34 +0000 UTCWhew. Okay. I think I'm finally getting back into the swing of things, but next up is the stat boxes, so...yay. Not sure how I feel about guards as the title for this chapter, it started as temptations, and I just don't know what I like better. If you've got ideas, feel free to share. <3 Hope you're all doing wonderful and having a great Memorial Day!
Comments
Awesome chapter really enjoyed it. I think guards fits better than temptations. The fact that Intelligence and Charisma are the 2 highest stats of the baby dragons makes me excited to meet mama dragon, I always love stories where dragons are sentient much better than ones where they are just a bigger animal. At the beginning of the fourth paragraph you say "Poor Derrick looked like he might have an apoplexy at her words" which felt weird to read because apoplexy means "unconsciousness from a stroke", so you are saying "he might have an unconsciousness". So it might be better to replace it with stroke/aneurysm, or change the sentence to "Poor Derrick looked like he might collapse in apoplexy at her words."
MyseriousMage
2020-05-26 01:53:56 +0000 UTC
