Elysium? Chapter One
Added 2021-01-05 11:28:43 +0000 UTCHey guys, Happy New Year! Hopefully everyone had a lovely holiday season! I know this isn't exactly what you were hoping to see, but I took a bit of a break for the holidays, and when I was ready to write, my brain only wanted to work on this idea, so I figured I'd get it mapped out a little bit and get the itch out.
Honestly, I know this book isn't going to be called Elysium, and there's a bunch of random names running in my head that involve some combination of Crafter, Missile, Mystic Mage, etc. My hope is that when my brain shuts off Siphon waves I can at least work on this a bit so I'm not wasting time.
As usual, feedback is welcome. <3 Thanks for all your support! You guys are awesome!
Comments
Ok, I just read the first three chapters, and it's a bit of a rollercoaster. First the MC is in a car, possibly with her friend, and it crashes. Seems like her friend's drama is going to be important, but no details. The bigger issue is the awkwardness of her being too focused on the road for a quick glare, only to turn around to talk in the next paragraph, though presumably this is to put the ominous "she doesn't know" mantra in there. The next section deals with her reincarnation, and apparently her parents are dead? Probably (hopefully?) also relevant at some point, but we also find out that she was apparently playing a VR game before she died which now launches in a month. The whole transition reads a bit awkwardly and super fast paced, and leaves me rather confused. I'll admit, with the character creation in ch2 it's entirely possible that you're trying to cultivate a bit of confusion on purpose, but a simple line in the first scene where it 'happens to be the 7th anniversary of her parents death, and all she wanted to do was xx in elysium all day, but instead is helping her friend through her breakup' would likely help to make everything a bit less jarring. I'm still not entirely sure if a cabin is just a vr pod or more than that, but I suppose it probably doesn't matter. Overall, it's an interesting start, though super frustrating for me (I like to plan out builds with spreadsheets, so that little information would drive me insane).
Bilfdoffle
2021-01-14 15:41:07 +0000 UTCYes, yes he does.
Jay - Siphon
2021-01-06 14:22:00 +0000 UTC
