PASSION Chapter 3 Part 9

Chapter 3 Part 9

Suddenly the large mirror beside the desk caught his eye. His eyes met his own reflection staring back at him. His face was bright red. From his earlobes to his neckline was red. Seeing himself like that made Tae-ui even more embarrassed, and he rubbed his cheeks with hands cooled by the cold can. He had hoped his cheeks would cool, but his hands warmed up before that could happen.

Tae-ui stood there blankly holding the can before slumping down in front of the refrigerator.

His groin had long since calmed down. It had wilted as if it had never risen. Yet his face and chest remained hot, refusing to cool.

"Damn... if you're going to wilt like this anyway, why get up at all and make things difficult?"

Tae-ui grumbled complaints at his own groin. But it wasn't there that needed to understand his words, it was his head.

Sitting slumped in front of the refrigerator staring blankly at his feet, Tae-ui suddenly raised his hand to his neckline. He traced where those soft fingertips had touched earlier.

The slick ointment was still there, not yet absorbed. He rubbed over it slickly.

It was just an ordinary touch applying ointment. Rubbing there a hundred times with his own hand wouldn't arouse him. But just because those hands belonged to that young man...

"I must really have it bad for him... What to do."

Though he tried speaking aloud, no answer came back. He had thought speaking it out might help organize his thoughts, but there was no sign of that happening.

Tae-ui unnecessarily wiped his still bright red face with the back of his hand.

He needed something to cool his head. At this rate it felt like this burning heat wouldn't subside even after a lifetime passed. Maybe he should take a cold shower. His head wasn't the only thing that needed cooling.

Tae-ui finished off the half-remaining beer before standing up.

Maybe he shouldn't have drunk the beer. It only seemed to make his face feel hotter.

Chiding himself for his foolishness, Tae-ui headed to the bathroom. It would be better to just fill the tub with cold water and soak completely.

As he stared blankly at the fierce stream of water flowing into the spotlessly clean tub, he thought he heard a faint mechanical sound mixed with the water.

Leaning halfway out of the bathroom to look around the room, sure enough as Tae-ui had heard correctly, the phone on the desk was ringing. The phone sound quietly filling the room was familiar now.

Tae-ui closed the bathroom door and approached the desk. Seeing his pathetic reflection in the mirror as he approached, it was quite a sight. His flushed red face unable to hide his flustered state made him look just like an inexperienced adolescent boy.

"You need to get it together properly, Jung Tae-ui. How long has it been since you left the military and already your heart's gotten this soft? This isn't even an easy place but you're walking around in a daze."

Muttering to himself while lightly tapping his cheeks a couple times, Tae-ui looked at the numbers displayed on the phone's LCD screen and after brief consideration pressed the blinking light.

"Yes, hello."

"──Somehow it seems you answer every time I call these days."

The number had seemed familiar, and sure enough, those elegant and beautiful hands appeared on the monitor.

Suddenly they overlapped with Shin Lu's hands in his mind. Shin Lu's hands were smaller and lovelier. His slightly plump knuckles were cute. Different from these hands that seemed delicately crafted and polished from wax and glass.

What would those hands feel like? Surely different from Shin Lu's warm and ticklish touch.

Tae-ui gave a bitter smile at himself for thinking of Shin Lu even in this situation.

"Well, I'm curious too. Just how often do you call uncle for me to be here every time you call?"

'To be precise, you're there every time I call, Tae-ui. Though I have been calling frequently lately. Until recently I wouldn't call even once in a year.'

"Why? Was uncle pressuring you to quickly find Laurens Gastier's book?"

Tae-ui sat down in the chair with a weak laugh. But come to think of it, this man wasn't a rare book broker. Or perhaps he did both jobs.

'Haha, I already sent that. Though I sent it by ship, it should arrive before this month ends.'

Ilay laughed. Though it was a mechanical voice, his pleasant tone came through refreshingly. His heated mind seemed to cool a bit. The coolness amid the heat felt good.

He had debated whether to answer the phone, but it seemed he made the right choice. This man gave off a cool feeling.

Tae-ui smiled faintly while brushing back his fallen hair. "That's good," he drawled, "I'll have to be the first to see it when the book arrives."

Silence fell across the phone for a moment. Those fingers tapping intermittently on the desk seemed to be examining this side.

'Tae-ui. Something happened, didn't it?'

That quiet voice asking gently. Though his tone of interest could have been unpleasant, surprisingly it wasn't that uncomfortable. Rather, in his exhausted state he felt like chattering away.

"Is it that obvious?"

'To say it's not obvious would be difficult, given how flushed your face is.'

"..."

Tae-ui roughly rubbed his face with the back of his hand. Now that he should have cooled down, the alcohol seemed to be taking effect.

'You have a complicated expression. What could there be to trouble you in that simple world trapped on one island?'

"...Ilay. You know..."

Tae-ui trailed off briefly. Though he hesitated, feeling like a drunk old man grabbing just anyone to complain to, he had already started speaking.

"Have you ever had something happen that morally deviated sexually?"

Tae-ui asked seriously. After a brief silence across the phone, the man answered in a somewhat deflated voice as if at an unexpected topic.

'I'm not sure what you mean by something that morally deviated sexually. What specific cases are you talking about? If you mean unethical relationships, let's see, do you mean incest? Or relationships with married people? Or rape and violation, there are also other humanly taboo acts... from a conservative viewpoint same-sex relationships could count too. Well, there are too many possibilities to know which you're referring to. Pick one.'

"...Well... if I had to pick from those... it's not that ethically wrong..."

Tae-ui muttered, somewhat put off by the stream of inhumane suggestions. Hearing those words made him feel a bit lighter. He hadn't thought of crossing such taboos himself. Though one was an exception.

'Ethics, huh.'

There was a sound of Ilay laughing. However, he didn't discuss that further and continued:

'You see, since my desires and emotions play separately. There have probably been quite a few times things happened that deviated sexually from morals, by what you mean. So, I'm curious what exactly this sexually morally deviant thing that happened to you today was.'

"..."

'What. Did some guy come and assault you?'

"..., ..."

This man's thinking was somewhat extreme. Not only extreme, but it flew off in strange directions he couldn't have imagined.

Tae-ui laughed weakly with a long sigh.

"What blind fool would think of doing such a thing to me. No, it's nothing that dramatic... Ah, I feel foolish even saying it. I just got excited like a kid and got hard in front of someone I like when they barely touched me. Just got hard but..."

Tae-ui hesitated briefly, unsure how to continue. Silence returned from the other side. Those fingers that had stopped now slowly tapped the desk one by one, showing he didn't quite understand.

He muttered "Why would that..." then suddenly as if understanding went "Ah."

'So you sexually assaulted them? Is that what you regret?'

Once again Ilay flew off in a strange direction.

Tae-ui looked at the monitor with an incredulous face before sighing.

"No, that's not it. I don't mean I got hard in bed or in an intimate atmosphere. I mean I got hard while just normally drinking tea and talking, in front of someone who has no such feelings for me."

'Hmm...?'

The fingers tapped tok, tok on the desk. By now he could roughly tell from the hand's shape and movements. Indeed, that meant he didn't quite understand.

'I don't really get it. Though I can guess how thoughts run through your head... That kind of shame, while I haven't experienced it myself so it's hard to understand the emotion, it doesn't help life at all. If it were me, I'd suggest going all the way since you're already up. Rather than suffering with such a lustfully flushed face.'

Tae-ui frowned. Wondering if his face was still that flushed, he rubbed it with his palm. Perhaps he really shouldn't have drunk the beer.

"Going all the way, you say... What about the other person's feelings?"

Ilay didn't answer. Rather than not knowing or thinking about it, he seemed to be refraining from answering. Hearing him answer "Well..." in a tone tinged with subtle amusement, Tae-ui realized this man had his own answer but was deliberately not saying it. And Tae-ui also felt he could guess what it might be, so he didn't press further.

'If it were me, I'd sleep with anyone I felt desire for first. I don't think emotions, being temporary whims, are worth worrying about that much. Or should I say, I don't think momentary desire is inferior to lasting emotion - if such a thing exists.'

"Are you a hedonist?"

'For now.'

He laughed and affirmed. Tae-ui also nodded. Though he couldn't fully agree with the man's thinking, he could understand what he was trying to say. Tae-ui also didn't disregard pleasure. But still, his thinking differed greatly from this man's in some aspects.

Tae-ui smiled wryly while stroking his neckline.