Catherynne M. Valente

RAM: Space Oddity Deleted Easter Eggs

This is probably the most fun and exclusive RAM there will ever be: the song titles, singers, television shows/movies, books, the occasional concept, and band names that just didn't make it into the final Space Oddity manuscript...and therefore probably won't appear anywhere but here, unless the ...

Annual Awards Eligibility Post

It's a bit late for this but I was crumbling under a deadline, so...now for the most awkward post of the year!

You have about a week left to get your Nebula nominations in, the Locus Recommended ...

ALLCAPS COOKBOOK PRESENTS: Szechuan Fusion Salsa

It is not generally my experience that a bowl of salsa is completely cleaned out, down to the last swipe of juice, at a midweek movie night.

This one was GONE.

So I'm mildly obsessed with this peanut salsa thing one of the groomsmen made for my brother's wedding and have been trying t...

Take My Life, Please: The Media's Will They/Won't They Love Affair with American Fascism Prepares For Its Terrible Wedding Night

(Cross-posted from Substack 24 hours later so no one misses anything if they hate a platform)

If you were thinking of joining the ranks of those who like to comment suggesting I write these pieces with less swearing, or indeed type without one elbow on the capsl...

Denizen of the Month Special Edition: Space Oddity!

IT'S DONE.

The sequel to2024-02-13 17:16:51 +0000 UTC View Post

Reward update

I’m so sorry to be having to say I’m so sorry again. If I don’t turn a manuscript around by Friday the book will be pushed back to 2026 and I am struggling.

I will post January’s remaining rewards starting Monday. I really am so sorry, I will make it up to everyone.

Twenty Years Ago Today My Life Began

Twenty years ago today, January 4th, 2004, my first chapbook and its companion were published.

My first anything was published.

I was living in Japan, the wife of a naval officer (a biographical fact that always stuns people who have only known me as I am now), lonely and mis...

Goodbye November, Next Month Will Be Better, Surely...

Hello my darlings.

This week has been a roller coaster and I can't really talk about any of it but it's very high and very low. I apologize again for stumbling in my vain attempts to balance life and work and parenting on any level, and like Boxer, will work harder now that my schedule is a...

Denizen of the Month: A TERRIFYING Disaster, Barely Dodged

This is a big one...because it was a big problem, and fixing it was a huge process. I can hardly get over how close we came to losing the back half of the house.

So...turns out my back porch was pretty much gone. I didn't realize it until early summer when I went outside and saw some rot, t...

Some Brief But Important Admin Concerning Patreon's Recent Changes

Before we get to the rest of this month's rewards, I want to make a public post explaining a few things from the Patreon creator backend (ha ha).

Recently, Patreon added a "subscribe for free!" button to all creators' front pages. Great idea, right? Easy click button to get people onto the ...

Hitting That Work/Life Balance Beam Nose-First: Books, Children, and Time

Everything I’m about to say in this essay is pretty much borne out by the month of October in my world, in which many things went corkscrewed, but most noticeably in this space, things went radio silent.

Call it a proof: of concept, of theorem, of life, which is only 35% a joke.

Don...

ALLCAPS COOKBOOK PRESENTS: Apple Cheddar Walnut Scones

I have never put these out for any number of people and had any single crumb left at the end of 20 minutes. Doesn't matter how many scones or how many guests, they're inhaled instantly.

But I'll be honest, this is a 2023-12-01 02:15:01 +0000 UTC View Post

IT IS DONE

The Space Oddity edit is finally done and I can return to the land of the living!

Thank you all SO MUCH for your patience, this has been an incredibly trying Oct/Nov and I apologize for falling down on you guys when I was under so much pressure from book and life.

I need a day off REA...

CMV + October Rewards Update

Hey everyone

You've probably noticed I haven't posted this month!

That's because many exciting things are all crushing my shoulders beneath their weight just now.

I have a really tight, everyone-will-yell-at-me-and-not-the-firm-taskmaster-kind-the-super-mad-kind deadline next we...

ALLCAPS COOKBOOK PRESENTS: Egyptian Limeade

I can't take credit for this one. Sophie made it for the girls' going away party this year, and she got it off an instagram reel, and I just copied down what she did. To be honest, I feel like it's rife for experimentation...coconut milk, a sugar lime zest ring, I don't know, go nuts, it's just a...

Pain Is Not a Penance

So I looked up the etymology of the word pain the other day.

I don't know if this is a TED Talk or the opening to a Letterkenny episode, but either way, I can feel a black turtleneck and discreet-but-not-really headset and/or a plaid flannel shirt and deeply unfortunate ba...

ALLCAPS COOKBOOK PRESENTS: Too Soon Sauce (A Variant On One of the Last Meals Served on the Titanic)

Now, now, I know that looks like the most basic boring unflavorful lame white people dishes up there, but I promise it's not. I'll be hard pressed to make any other kind of sauce for fish again for some time. It's SO bright and tasty and silky and elegant AS SHIT.

I swear.

So it turne...

On Chun-Li, Dinosaurs, and Ducks: Nineteen Years of Alleged Writing and I Still Have No Idea What I'm Doing

Next summer, I've have been publishing professionally for twenty years.

It's funny, I still don't really feel old enough to have been doing anything for twenty years, even though, you know, I was there the whole time, doing the thing for twenty years, but I suppose that's time and ...

Hot Fresh Discord Invite Straight from the Oven!

We've had a number of new people sign up this month (HELLO NEW PEOPLE YOU ARE WONDERFUL THANK YOU SO MUCH) so it's time for a piping hot new Discord invite so that you all can join our little happy place in the maelstrom of the internet.

Be cozy in there, the mod team is god-tier and very t...

Huddle Up, Geeks: Some of These Hot Garbage Developments Are Our Fault

Cross-posted by request from Substack with the full knowledge that nothing in here feels cozy because I feel just as guilty as anyone. Sorry, guys. Tried to end on a hopeful note?

Remember how I said I’d be using the paid tier for follow-up pieces to talk about somethi...

Bonus Caturday Content: A Very Normal Cat Being Normal

IS THIS THE END FOR TOTORO? TUNE IN NEXT WEEK TO FIND OUT...

(Also do not judge my unscrubbed shower)

Yes, my very normal, very petite ragdoll Totoro lies despondently in the shower like a fluffy Norma Desmond. But don't be fooled. This one looks fancy as fuck but he is 100% BROTORO i...

Aduiography Playlist Volume 16 is Live!

Pink in the house!

For your ears (and minds) to enjoy.

To be fair, I will only provide the link to the playlist here - you can  share it if you choose! But initial access will only be through this site, for all patrons.

2023-07-13 00:34:31 +0000 UTC View Post

Mark F**king Zuckerberg Is Not Your Friend

Crosspoted from Substack even though it's not cozy because I feel this is pretty damn important to get out now while the beast is young.

You know, I had other things I wanted to yell about. I have about five essays in my drafts folder about like, deep systemic issues and big bad sh...

ALLCAPS COOKBOOK PRESENTS: FALAFFLES!

Did I invent this?

I mean, I was going to say I didn't, but looking over the falafel waffles online I don't really see anyone doing the full-shawarma-in-one thing I did here, so maybe I did.

If so, I'm a genius because this was SO GOOD. Every plate was fully cleaned. Absolutely delici...

Denizen of the Month: LITTLE FREE LIBRARY!

This one is for all of you, as many of you pooled funds to get me this beautiful little thing for my birthday this year! (There will be a second Denizen for the paid tier, hold tight)

THE LITTLE FREE LIBRARY IS UP AND RUNNING AND ENTICINGLY PLACED AT THE ENTRANCE TO THE FOREST! 2023-07-12 14:15:23 +0000 UTC View Post

ALLCAPS COOKBOOK PRESENTS: THREE GARLIC SICHUAN TRASHUMMUS

Did you know hummus is Latin for dirt?

It’s true.

I can’t fully explain how my friend and I unhinged our actual jaws to inhale this on any substrate we could dig up. But that is also true. And yes, you have to take the bean-condoms off first. If you know whatâ€...