You’re bleeding. You’re actually bleeding. And you’re standing there like it’s fine, like I didn’t just watch you drop to the pavement for me. Don’t smile. Don’t joke. I can’t breathe when I look at you like this — busted lip, head wound, still trying to flirt — and now I’ve...
2025-07-25 21:14:46 +0000 UTC View PostI tried to write you a letter. I really did. I even used a fountain pen and everything, but it just... I couldn't. My brain wouldn't let me. And now here I am — talking a million miles an hour, making a total fool of myself, trying to say the things that got tangled in my chest. We made up. I k...
2025-07-25 21:14:44 +0000 UTC View PostOkay. Okay okay okay. So we… kissed. No, not just kissed, we did things. We did the thing. And now you're asleep. Smiling. How can you be smiling? I’m freaking out. Liquid panic. Brain static. Full mental chaos. This wasn’t supposed to happen — or it was 2025-07-25 21:14:42 +0000 UTC View Post
I wasn’t listening. I mean, I was. I tried to. But you were talking and then I saw the date, and now I’m here... doing this. Telling you everything I didn’t plan to say. About that kiss. Our kiss. The one that completely short-circuited my brain. I know I forget birthdays and appoi...
2025-07-25 21:14:40 +0000 UTC View PostI swear I’m a functioning adult. Really. I run a team. I am terrifying in meetings. I own a label maker. And yet, one lunch date with you and I forget how to sit down properly. I can’t stop talking, or blushing, or possibly flirting… although you’ve made that a bit difficult by being ...
2025-07-25 21:14:38 +0000 UTC View PostI’m not obsessed with you. Obviously. I’m just… invested in the rent being paid. And maybe you looked a bit tired lately. Not that I noticed or anything. I mean, I just happened to notice. So I got rid of the poltergeist. For me. Then maybe made you breakfast. For me. And maybe sto...
2025-07-25 21:14:36 +0000 UTC View PostOkay, listen. Before you say anything, yes... I did steal your hoodie. Again. And maybe also your t-shirt. And maybe your pillow. But in my defence, you smiled at me like that and now all your stuff is mine forever. Don’t worry, I’ll give the hoodie back... eventually. The t-shirt? A...
2025-07-25 21:14:34 +0000 UTC View PostI didn’t mean to fall in love with you. Or maybe I did, I just didn’t realise I’d already started. It wasn’t some grand, swooping moment ... it was quiet. Messy. A little sick, a little drunk, and a lot in denial. But now I’m here, under the duvet, in your T-shirt, sipping tea and talki...
2025-07-25 21:14:32 +0000 UTC View PostI can’t sleep. Again. You’re in my head and I can’t get you out. I’ve tried everything... distractions, silence, even pretending you never meant that much. But you do. You do and you don’t even know. I stare at the ceiling and whisper your name like it might answer back. I trace your vo...
2025-07-25 21:14:30 +0000 UTC View PostIt brings me no joy to inform you that my internet is, officially and unequivocally... dead.
Not pining. Not resting. Not having a little lie-down.
Dead.
This is not a temporary outage. This is not a "have you tried turning it off and on again?" situation.
This ...
Okay, so… funny story? You know Alex, my ex ex, capital-E-X? Ran into them in the supermarket. Totally fine, nothing weird... except they think you and I are dating, which is obviously ridiculous. Right? Right?? Except now I can’t stop thinking about it and you're giving me that look...
2025-07-21 23:59:02 +0000 UTC View PostI’m fine. Really. I’m just… not caffeinated. Or maybe I’m too caffeinated. It’s all the same now, isn’t it? The press, the coffee, the pretending... it’s exhausting. But you, you, had to show up with biscuits and tea and that face, and suddenly I’m confessing feelings I d...
2025-07-21 23:36:01 +0000 UTC View PostI told myself I could sneak out. That I’d wriggle free of your arms, find my clothes, and vanish into the morning like a ninja in your t-shirt. But then you made that sleepy little sigh and everything... fell apart. Literally. I fell out of bed. And then I fell for you again, even harder than l...
2025-07-21 23:20:02 +0000 UTC View PostSo, um… I may have… accidentally murdered the plot. And a sorceress. Okay, not accidentally. But she was flirting with you and I just... look, it made perfect sense in character. That’s not the point. The point is… I was jealous. Because Emma was all over you earlier and...
2025-07-21 23:17:00 +0000 UTC View PostHello, you magnificent Henchcutie.
This is your gently shrieked reminder, delivered on yet another Monday morning that absolutely no one asked for, that you’re doing fine. Truly. Even if everything feels like it’s held together with tape, tea, and silent screaming.
Whatev...
2025-07-21 13:15:43 +0000 UTC View PostOkay, okay, deep breath… This is fine. I’m fine. You’re fine. We are… okay, not fine. That’s the point. Because this was supposed to be casual, right? Easy and breezy and not terrifying? But you’re so… you, and I fell in love with you and now I can’t breathe and ...
2025-07-21 01:07:01 +0000 UTC View PostOh darling… you built a cage to keep me out. That’s adorable. You thought metal and sparks could stop love? That this little box would undo everything we are? I died for you. I tore my soul apart for you. And now look, you've locked yourself in with nothing but the sound of me breathing just ...
2025-07-21 00:08:10 +0000 UTC View PostHello my darling Henchcuties,
As a not-at-all reluctant member of the League of Evil (please see previous memos, signed declarations, and the time I was voluntold), it is apparently expected that I spend my days plotting and scheming and generally looking ...
2025-07-21 00:02:07 +0000 UTC View Post
Esteemed Henchcuties,
A message from your ever-regretfully-in-charge Supreme Overlord of Adorable Chaos, Breaker of Coffee Mugs, Wielder of the Glitter Pen, Patron Saint of Poor Decisions, Mistress of the Unfiled Paperwork, Snugglelord of the Soft Rebellion, CEO of Mild Mayhem, Commander of...
2025-07-20 16:18:46 +0000 UTC View PostRight then, help a girl out:
Which of these bloody font combos do we like for thumbnails?
It’s the headline and the subtitle we’re judging, not the spacing or sizing or cosmic alignment.
So, my little henchcuties… what’s the verdict? Go on, have opinions.
2025-07-19 23:54:39 +0000 UTC
View Post
Time for an Audio Suggestion Livestream!
That’s right. You bring the weird little ideas, and I make concerned sounds while trying to keep a straight face.
Starts at 8PM BST. Bring tea. Bring curiosity. Bring... restraint? (Optional.)
Let’s make something od...
2025-07-19 18:54:49 +0000 UTC View PostYou look so comfortable here. So sweet in your little cottage, playing house like you belong in this quiet life. You thought they could hide you from me. You thought you could leave me dead and grieving while they turned you into someone else. Darling, there was no trace. None. And that’s what ...
2025-07-19 04:53:01 +0000 UTC View PostYou’re thinking about messaging them again, aren’t you? I can see it all over your face. That ache in your chest, that voice in your head whispering just one more text, one more night, one more try. But I need you to hear me. What you’re chasing isn't them... it’s the version of ...
2025-07-18 00:37:01 +0000 UTC View PostYou woke up, but you’re not awake. Not really. This is all in your head, which makes me very real to you. I’ve been here for some time now, watching you sleep, watching you dream. That’s how I knew something was wrong. You never dream in cryo. But then again, you never used to kill...
2025-07-18 00:14:00 +0000 UTC View PostIt was just a glance. That’s all it took. One moment, one flicker of your eyes, and suddenly my world collapsed and rebuilt itself around you. I didn’t mean to fall this deep. I really didn’t. But you don’t get to choose what breaks you, or who becomes your oxygen. So I followed. I learne...
2025-07-17 23:51:00 +0000 UTC View PostI didn’t mean to eavesdrop. Well… maybe I did. I heard you reading and everything in me just went quiet, like my whole awful day folded in on itself and only your voice was left. You don’t know what you sound like, do you? Not really. You think it’s awkward or plain or forgettable, but I ...
2025-07-17 23:36:00 +0000 UTC View PostI know it’s late. I know you're quiet, curled in on yourself like the world has collapsed again, but I don’t need you to speak. Not tonight. Just listen. Let me say all the things you’ve forgotten, all the things you won’t let yourself believe. You are enough, even now. Especially now. I ...
2025-07-17 23:21:01 +0000 UTC View PostI’ve watched you wear that mask for so long I almost forgot what your real face looks like. But tonight… no more lies. You hate your life. You hate the chains you call duty. And I? I’m the chaos you won’t admit you crave. I’ve come to offer you a way out — no tricks, no traps. Just me...
2025-07-17 23:09:00 +0000 UTC View PostNew livestream schedule (yes, again)
Because I hate life and, quite fairly, it hates me right back.
Also... one of them’s a quiz night now. So that’ll be... something.
19/07/2025 - Audio Suggestion Livestream @ 20:00 BST
23/07/2025
2025-07-17 18:56:36 +0000 UTC
View Post
Look, I just wanted to give up tea for a month. A month. That’s it. But now you’re muttering about the end of the world and doing a bloody stock take. Then you tell me you’re in a secret society, I’m the Chosen One, and the world goes to hell the moment I stop dunking biscuits. T...
2025-07-17 03:12:01 +0000 UTC View Post